Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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