you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize