That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
