I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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