I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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