Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize