He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
