There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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