the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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