I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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