He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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