did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
