Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
