remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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