Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So much rum. So many feels.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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