the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
