I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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