The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
