Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
