there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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