id be glad to
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am naked and annoyed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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