My cat gives me a boner
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
