i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize