none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
