I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
