Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize