This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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