if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
