You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
