If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
