At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
