i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
4 words: hood of his car
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
