did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
