I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize