tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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