I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
