I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
