Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
