note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
