Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
