I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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