Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
