Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
