How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
