WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
