his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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