I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
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