I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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