New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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