She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize