is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
