she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
