We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
