I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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