he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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