do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
