Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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