Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
