What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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