Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
