i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
