Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
