If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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