well you can't waste a boner
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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