Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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