Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
