I heard we made out
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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