I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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