Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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