Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
