She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you didnt know i had herpes?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
