You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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