I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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