okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
